How to win at Beam.NG Drive

This guide eloquently describes the goals and accomplishments you need to perform while playing the game known as Beam.NG Drive to properly win at the game. :)

Step 1: Russian Dashcam Experience

 

So firstly you want to perform what you always see in every russian dashcam. Drive slowly and carefully and be aware of obstacles and potential hazards. SIKE wrap your car around a pole because it was lightly drizzling. the entire game is based around "soft body car physics" so go ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ crazy and ♥♥♥♥ ur pants as you go 200 miles per hour into an immovable object (usually a tree). There is an off chance that your incoherent drunken haze of crashing multiple cars will crash the games delicate engine, but ur a ♥♥♥♥♥ if u dont pull a mcskillet and kill two people in a tragic car accident. Drive responsibly, or not its up to you in this fever dream of a DUI simulation.

Step 2: Pick Your Map

this should have been step one but shut the ♥♥♥♥ up its my guide. In Beam.NG Driver there are a multitude of fun and unique maps to commit your vehicular homicides. Firstly, there is a map known as Leap of Death. This map has a giant sarlac pit of hell that will eviscerate your car if you accidentally (or purposefully) hit a pebble and fall off the cliff. Secondly there is an island that no one plays on. rumor has it that if you play on that map your car gets embarrassed that ur playing on a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ map that it blows up and your game crashes. Thirdly there is a map named Cliff. its like a cliff but, uhhhh, wait nevermind its just a cliff. There is other maps in this game but if you dont play on any of these three you are effectively sterilizing yourself because you are a virgin for life. Watch the video below for more information.

Step 3: More Than Cars and Dying

 

You may expect Beam.NG drive to be only filled with drivable vehicles. This is where you are inconceivably wrong and idiotic. If you want to RP as a inflatable mat, then Beam.NG drive is the game for you. Literally half of the car menu is useless and crazily unusable items such as the flail or the soccerball. if you made the bad financial decision to buy beam.ng drive rather than rocket league, you can still experience running a car into a ball. Granted, you dont have boost or aerials or anything that makes rocket league a good game. But you cant crash your car into a school bus full of children in rocket league huh? Now you dont have buyers remorse for buying beam.ng drive? thats what i thought.

Step 4: Wait You Can Modify the Cars Like in GTA V?

Yeah, you can, thats like the entire point. So if your ape brain hasn't noticed yet, you CAN modify the cars in Beam.NG Drive. There are hundreds of customizations that you can perform on your war machine to make it more capable of ploughing through multiple police vehicles. You can now live out the fantasy of a turbo pigeon that has 1 jillion horsepower and can break the sound barrier. there are also some customizations that dont really ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ matter. a tow hitch on a truck?? What can you even tow- oh wait the flail. Bring your elliot rodger like rampages to a halt, theres a bigger dog in town now.

Step 5: Uninstalling the Game

 

Yup thats right. why is the game ten gigabytes, thats way to much for some stupid single player cringe game. If you truly want to win at Beam.NG drive, you must defeat the biggest enemy, your own creativity. If you cannot think of anymore fun scenarios to throw your toy cars into, the game no longer becomes fun. Thats why you watch the russian dashcam videos to recreate them and laugh at it when the helicopter that flies over the highway horrifically crashes, getting the double kill on mcskillet and the family. Beam.NG Drive is also a great way to release anger and stress. For legal reasons, I do not condone crimes committed via vehicular means, please do not create any scenarios mentioned in this guide in a real life setting. I DO legally condone getting into a headon collision with a wrecking ball in the spectacular game of Beam.NG drive. One gripe with the game however, they should rename it to Beam.NG Drive and eventually Crash, to be more sincere to potential buyers. please give this guide one reddit silver if you laughed or cried.